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Felonies Dismissed While You Wait7. Slide your fine ass over here and give us a vote, Darlin’!!6. Mmmmmmm ... Peachy!5. Oh, So You Wanna Play Rough, Huh?4. C’mon -- We Didn’t Know He Was THAT Horny!3. We’ve Got Cigarfignugen!2. Impeach THIS!!!and the Number 1 New Slogan for the Democratic Party... 1. Laid in AmericaI eat Swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. -- Steven WrightThis guy is sitting at the end of the bar looking gloomy. His friend arrives and sits down beside him. “Why so glum, chum?” he asks his sad friend.“Oh, it’s my wife, she beats me at everything we compete at. Jogging, bowling, tennis, cards ... just everything.”The friend orders a beer and pauses to think. “I know,” he exclaims, “Challenge her to a pissing contest.”“A pissing contest?”“Surely you can out distance her on that ... do it on the front lawn so you can see the difference.”“Ok, I’ll do it.”So he goes home and says to his wife, “I challenge you to distance pissing contest. We’ll. It would probably not come to a hundred dollars, but it was sure to exceed fifty. While I was standing at the side of the house thinking about it, a little voice came from behind me, and I turned to see a cute little girl, probably 18 or 19 years old, standing waiting to address me, but with a facial expression of fear, as if she’d turn and run if I said ‘Boo!’ She was dressed simply, but her clothes were neat and clean, and everything about her seemed to scream middle class respectability. ‘Hello, how may I help you?’ I asked in my very best Dale Carnegie manner. ‘I’m looking for work: odd jobs, housework, yard work, anything to earn some money. I graduated from high school in May and I haven’t been able to find any work since then, other than a few hours here and there that haven’t even paid me enough money for food. I’m getting pretty desperate. Do you have anything I could do?’ ‘Look, it’s hot right here with the sun roasting us. Around back I have a couple of chairs, and we.
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